Monday, May 11, 2009

Body Fondue: a (naughty) public service announcement

An R-Rated blog post -- if you're easily offended or too young, read no further. You've been warned!

I suspect most couples have experimented with edibles. From the moment Mickey Rourke broke out the bottle of honey in Nine 1/2 Weeks, and even before, we've been culturally aware of the erotic potential of food. From Redi-Whip to chocolate syrup to marshmallow creme, pretty much any edible that goes well on ice cream can also be slathered on, then licked off, a lover's body. It's a wildly erotic image, sensual and playful, and it adds another dimension of sensory involvement to passionate moments.

But it's often more fun in theory than in practice. Unlike the world of the movies, in the real world we need to deal with the aftermath: chocolate syrup dried in our hair, maraschino cherry juice soaked through the sheets into the mattress, honey smeared down the wall, smashed strawberries making a permanent sticky spot on the carpet. But I've got two pieces of advice that reduce the aftermath and make the slathering more fun.

First: don't dump or pour. Use a pastry brush or small paintbrush; it gives you a lot more control. You get to make Works Of Art (edible, tickling art!) on your lover's body, and it makes much less of a mess in the process. And, really, we're grown-ups. There's a limit to how much Magic Shell we can eat, and a brush is more suited to the quantity we'd actually like to consume.

Second: Body Fondue! Instead of chocolate syrup, use actual chocolate. Those wide, flat chocolate drops you melt for fondue are perfect, and squares of a chocolate bar are good as well. Apply them to your lover's body -- if you first lick the chocolate (or your lover!) they'll stick -- then apply your own body to your lover's, and squeeze and squirm together until the chocolate melts between you. Fun! And, the melted chocolate isn't as messy or runny or sticky as chocolate syrup. Plus, it tastes better, and you can pick chocolate that meets your tastes.

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