Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Potential Spousal Incompatibility

Laura and I agree on a lot of things, but we have completely different styles for making sandwiches. This has become more important recently, since we're trying to spend No Money and are brown-bagging lunches whenever we can. And her style messes with my sense of order.

Here's my way (hereafter referred to as "the correct way" )to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich:
First, remove two slices of bread from the loaf. Keep them together and in order, to ensure that they go back together with the correct sides facing each other. Separate the slices, so the facing sides are facing up. On the left piece of bread, spread an even layer of peanut butter. The peanut butter must be of uniform thickness. Gently smooth the surface of the peanut butter to remove as many knife marks as possible. Clean the knife, to prevent peanut butter jar/jelly jar cross-contamination. On the other piece of bread, spread an even layer of jelly. It helps to stir the jelly in the jar to ensure uniformity and remove lumps. The jelly must be of uniform thickness; if you're using fruit preserves, the thickness of the jelly layer must be equal to the thickness of the biggest piece of fruit. Leave a jelly-free margin of exactly 1/4" around the edge of the bread, so the jelly is less likely to squeeze out and get on your hands while eating. Lift the peanut butter bread, invert, and line it up with the jelly bread. Gently rest the two pieces of bread together, making sure the edges line up perfectly. Do not cut the sandwich; pressure from the knife destroys the uniform thickness of the peanut butter and jelly layers, and can create asymmetrical halves unless you measure carefully before you cut.

This is how Laura makes a sandwich:
Grab some bread, goop some peanut butter on it, glob some jelly directly onto the peanut butter, and mash another piece of bread on top. Then cut diagonally into asymmetrical halves.

You can see the problem.

On the plus side, she respects my quirkiness. When she's making me a sandwich, she does very well with ensuring peanut butter and jelly uniformity, and I appreciate the extra effort she's willing to expend for her intermittently Type A husband. But watching her make her own sandwich messes with my sense of order....

6 comments:

laura said...

oh my beautiful husband! that made me laugh so hard, i cried! yup...that pretty much describes us, no?

david L said...

ok, so I wouldn't go so far as to monitor the jelly/bread perimeter, but otherwise I'm on your side here. Sometimes there's just a right way and a wrong way to do things. Don't tell Laura.

laura said...

i really do feel the need to defend my pb&j making skills here...see, when you have the valleys and hills of peanut butter, the jelly drips down into the crevices and oozes yumminess...it's a surprise peanut butter to jelly ratio in each and every bite! it makes the sandwich interesting, absorbing even....

Tina said...

Wow. If Rich were that picky, I'd stuff the blender with a glob of peanut butter, a spoonful of jelly, and the two slices of bread. He could have the thoroughly homogenized results on crackers. :-)

Hence the beauty of bacon; it must be accepted for what it is, faults and all (including geographic faults). "Bacon is patient and kind. Bacon knows neither envy nor jealousy. Bacon does not brag, and is not arrogant, and it cannot be spread to an even consistency on white, or wheat."

NerfSmuggler said...

Pfft ... uneven Peanut Butter application is minor. It's when your SO thinks the PB should be stored in the fridge that you're talking irreconcilable differences.

Jeff Mountjoy said...

And we also worked through our crunchy/smooth differences. I like smooth, she likes crunchy, so we compromise and buy smooth. :-)

If she kept the peanut butter in the fridge, I'd have no choice but to keep my own secret peanut butter stash somewhere she couldn't find it.