Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Kitted out for the Zombie Hordes

So, I was pondering what my ideal inventory for the Zombie Apocalypse would be. It's a natural train of thought; in the last three days, I finished reading World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, and I also watched the 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead, so it was only natural to take inventory of the house and see how well prepared we'd be in the event of Zombie Armageddon. The answer: we'd probably be zombie chow. We've got lots of food around, but not much water, and no firearms whatsoever. I couldn't even find my big crowbar, which would be my standby zombie-bashing weapon; I think it's hanging from the rafters in the garage.

But I started thinking about what I'd like to have on hand in advance of the zombie horde's advance. And here are my thoughts. Some of it's probably best suited for firearms geeks, but here goes:

Given that your only reliable "kill" is a head shot, and that only structural damage -- destroying a knee or hip joint -- will slow one down, you need penetration more than raw stopping power. And you need accuracy. But there are also cases where you need maneuverability in tight spaces (for fleeing through the sewers, maybe), good knockdown (for the first one charging up the stairwell; it slows the rest down), and either multiple weapons or a huge ammo capacity without complex reloading (for those mob scenes). Given the difficulty of making a reliable headshot while running, especially at night (when it's harder to get a good sight picture), I'm leaning towards a laser sight. And you don't want something that'll be hard to scavenge ammo for; that P90 might be all kinds of cool, but you'll never find 5.7mm in anyone's garage. So with all this factored in, my ideal load-out looks something like this:
* Primary: a low-recoil selective-fire submachine gun: an H&K MP5, with a flashlight under the barrel and a laser sight. Close-range accuracy, reliable, good penetration, extremely common 9mm ammo.
* Handgun: something in .45 auto (good knockdown) with a laser sight, and maybe a flashlight mount too. In a perfect world, I'd take a Para-Ordnance PXT Hi-Cap -- then again, in a perfect world, I wouldn't have to fight off zombie hordes.
* Close combat: not the crowbar; it gets too heavy, after the first few swings. I'm thinking axe handle -- light, high-impact, durable, and more maneuverable than a baseball bat.
* In the armored school bus: a pair of accurate semi-auto rifles for sniping (AR15 and FAL, maybe, for ammo variety), and a shotgun or two.
* It'd also be nice to have something silenced (like that special-forces MP5 with the integral silencer, or that cool Russian 9mm sniper rifle), for taking out the walking dead standing in front of the convenience store you need to loot for food, without making loud noises to attract others.
* Given the guaranteed-lethal nature of zombie bites, I'm thinking some sort of body armor. It doesn't need to be ballistic-quality, just tough enough to stop teeth. Maybe motocross racing armor. Plus, it looks cool -- very Mad Max.

Add to this the usual survival gear: water purification, dehydrated or preserved food, multi-fuel camp stove, and the other bare necessities of life. Throw it in the back of your armored schoolbus with some jerrycans of unleaded, and you're ready for the zombie-resistant life on the road!

4 comments:

Luke said...

If you liked World War Z, you definately need to check out the comic book series "Walking Dead." It's the first comic that I have picked up in over a decade, but it is fabulous. It's more about what would happen to people and groups of people in an apocolyptic situation than just zombie killing, but that just makes it all the better.

Also, check this out:
http://gadgets.fosfor.se/in-case-of-zombies/

Toby said...

Don't know what you have against a nice sawed off pump shotgun as a primary weapon. Huge damage, easy to aim. And it's cool. Remember Ash in the Evil Dead movies? He's the king champion undead basher!

Jeff Mountjoy said...

Never heard of "Walking Dead"; I'll check it out over lunch tomorrow. It's great working a few feet from Borders Books....

I debated the shotgun; Bruce Campbell was cool with one, as well as the chainsaw prosthetic. But the kick can wear you out, and the ammo capacity is pretty limited (it's hard to beat the 30-round magazine on an MP5). On the other hand, the bandolier-o'-shells slung over your shoulder is a pretty cool post-apocalyptic fashion statement.

Dan D. said...

I love that you linked to Hostess Twinkies as preserved food. I wouldn't challenge the "preserved", but I might have problems with the "food" part. :-)