Friday, May 30, 2008

Michelle Malkin: the conspiracy is deeper than you think!

I've been following the news of Michelle Malkin's recent outrage over a Dunkin' Donuts ad in which teevee chef Rachel Ray wears a white paisley scarf. Malkin wisely connected that the scarf bore a vague resemblance to a common piece of Middle-Eastern headwear, remembered that deceased Palestinian Yasser Arafat often wore such a piece of clothing, and concluded that the chef and the donut maker were involved in a conspiracy to show veiled (heh!) support for the Palestinian cause, specifically the terrorist wing of the Palestinian leadership. One can't argue with this stunning chain of logic. The threat of a boycott prompted Dunkin' Donuts to pull the ad and issue a we-meant-no-harm apology.

I applaud Michelle Malkin's commitment to the truth, and for her efforts to reveal this anti-American conspiracy of paisley scarves. But I think she falls short of revealing the awful truth. Surely she has seen further examples of anti-Americanism, expressed through public figures' sartorial similarity with deceased anti-American leaders. To wit:
  • In a recent Cadillac ad ("when you turn your car on, does it return the favor?"), we see a flash of the shoe of the attractive model driving the car, quickly enough that it might almost count as subliminal. I think we all remember that Eva Braun often wore shoes remarkably similar to this during the years she was Adolf Hitler's mistress.
  • It can't be a coincidence that the character of George McFly in the Back to the Future movies wore glasses like those worn by former Cambodian dictator Pol Pot.
  • Former President George H.W. Bush was recently seen in a suit that bears a remarkable similarity to one seen on nearly-deceased Cuban leader Fidel Castro.
  • James Conway, Commandant of the U.S. Marine Corps, is often seen in a hat almost identical to one often worn by Soviet leader Joseph Stalin.
I'm astonished that a mind as sharp as Malkin's hasn't noticed these, and surely other, fashion conspiracies against the American people. Or possibly she has, and has been threatened into silence. Speak out, Michelle! Don't let those liberal terrorist-comforters keep you quiet!


Anonymous said...

I seriously hope your post was sarcasm at its finest.

Jeff Mountjoy said...

Definitely sarcasm. Given that the official Dunkin' Donuts apology said the scarf was a choice made by an unnamed wardrobe assistant, I was considering going the other direction -- that the problem isn't that Dunkin Donuts and Rachael Ray support terrorists, but that we're being overrun by terrorist wardrobe assistants.