Thursday, August 30, 2007

Non-Laura Movies, pt. 2

I also rented some movies of the Trashy Horror subgenre. They're all pretty bad, but the best of the bad was probably Turistas, a cheap, quick Hostel knock-off in the torture-porn ouvre. It was a little painful to watch, and extremely formulaic. My only real surprise came during the obligatory scene wherein a character is tied to a table and has her major organs removed by a mad scientist. (The mad scientist had apparently done this so often that it was a routine; he never interrupted his Evil Doctor Monologue to pay attention to what he was doing.) The surprising thing: it's obvious that this scene was intended to be the centerpiece of the movie, the big shocker. And it was totally not scary, and really not shocking. I think it might be because the effects were so good. It was less like watching a slasher flick, and more like watching a hospital documentary on the Discovery Channel. It helps that we totally don't care about the characters, who by this point have made so many bad decisions that we're hoping they get eaten by jungle cats so we don't have to watch them be stupid anymore. Like a lot of movies I've seen recently, the extra features on the DVD were better than the actual film.

After sitting through Turistas, I only managed to make it half an hour into The Hills Have Eyes 2. I was already pushing the limits of my bad movie tolerance; THHE2 didn't start great and didn't look like it had any promise for getting better. I did make it through the worst possible horror movie ever made, though: Live Feed. I think this is only because it's the movie I started with; I wouldn't have made it five minutes in if I had seen Turistas and THHE2 first. The daytime staff member at our local video store is a hardcore horror/slasher movie fan. I asked her for a recommendation: something obscure, but surprisingly good. And she pointed me to Live Feed, apparently to show that she's got a sense of humor. This movie had nothing going for it. The worst possible cast, plot, writing, effects, and direction, all combined to make a strange, gory, stupid, raunchy, pointless film. I think the only thing that could've made the movie any worse would've been the appearance of aliens in tinfoil suits.

Laura gets home tomorrow, so I go back to watching movies that don't suck. It's yet another reason I'm happy she'll be back.

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