Sunday, October 15, 2006

fun spam

I get around 800 pieces of spam every day in my Yahoo inbox. I don't really use the account much; mostly I use it when I need to do business online. F'rinstance, I recently had to order a replacement part for our kitchen faucet. Price Pfister was sending me information to my Yahoo! account, but some of it got routed to my spam folder so I actually had to open my spam folder and look through it instead of just bulk-deleting everything in it. For the first time in a long time I had to pay attention to what was in my spam pile. And I can't help but notice that a fair amount of spam headers lend themselves to cheap one-liner comebacks. My personal favorite says, "Try Suzanne Somers for free!" I wonder if they ran this offer by Ms. Somers. Also today I got a "Dunkin Donuts $500 gift card free!" immediately followed by a "Bowflex free trial". That makes sense, if you think about it. And I keep getting messages whose subject lines say, "Christian Singles in your area are looking for you!" Jeez, haven't they heard of the statute of limitations? Another message said, "A cutting edge Gillette Fusion Razor is waiting for you". It's much preferable to the razors with no cutting edge.

I also get a lot of spam headers that end with the words, "on us!". Some of these carry meanings I'm sure they never thought about.
I enjoyed "Try Proactiv skin solution on us!" (apparently they need help with those hard-to-reach areas). And, "Get Tide detergent on us" sounds like a laundromat accident. But the absolute best has to be, "Try Trojan latex condoms on us!" Sorry, I don't lean that way. And they're probably not cute enough for my standards anyway.

Some of my spam comes post-dated. People usually sort their mail by date received, so if you send spam dated in the future it automatically appears on the top of the list. This has gotten so prevalent that the first third of my spam is dated in the future. My favorite was the one with the subject header something like, "Account notice: account 60 days past due. Pay online!", dated for the year 2030. I like the concept of prophetic spam. It's good to know I'll still have credit-card debt in 25 years.

I'm sure there's nothing original about making fun of spam. But it's fun to do.

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