Sunday, September 17, 2006

Laura: football fan

Ours is a radically non-stereotypical household. This afternoon I'm doing laundry and dishes, and my wife is parked in front of the television watching football games. She's not drinking beer, though. And I'm not wearing an apron. We're not anti-stereotype, we just don't conform.

Laura's a pretty die-hard football fan. She's a Redskins fan, so she's very psyched about tonight's Skins/Cowboys game. Apparently the two teams are archenemies. It's a home game for the Cowboys, which makes tonight's game roughly akin to Batman vs. The Joker, contest to be held in the Joker's evil amusement park. They aren't playing in Washington, since nobody is supposed to know where the Batcave is (this is where the metaphor breaks down, since everyone knows the Batcave would be under FedEx Field).

I grew up with no real sports fanaticism in the household, so Laura was a bit of a shock to me. I really didn't see how someone could care that much about football. I view it as a marketing tool; football is mostly a way to get people to sit through television commercials and buy overpriced jerseys and season tickets. Laura takes it really seriously, though. She owns a Redskins jersey and a collection of Colts and Skins hats (including the uber-cool limited-edition Joe Gibbs Redskins cap), and she schedules her weekends around catching the Redskins games. My other shock was the realization that, as football fans go, Laura's pretty mainstream. The real fans wear pig noses and dress in drag or paint their bodies blue with white horseshoes.

I enjoy the fact that Laura yells at the television. She yells and screams when the good guys score, she berates refs for bad calls, and she says encouraging words to players she likes when they appear on screen. I'm positive she knows that they can't actually hear her, but she does it anyway. I do this too, mostly during horror movies, mumbling things like, "Don't open that door!" and "Run, you fool!" to people on the screen. I think Laura's better at it than me, though; through her on-screen encouragement, Peyton Manning is the league's top quarterback and the Redskins are outperforming expectations. But the people in the horror movies never listen to me and tend to die at the hands/claws of maniacal puppets and berserk security robots.

1 comment:

Ted S. said...

I noticed they never listen even after they found a pile of dismembered bodies. They still have to open that door without turning on the light, or walk backward thru the open door. You'd think trauma like that would make them listen better, but no. :)